No Surrender

though being separated

(Way of blessing through green beans
and toasted bread)

Herisen Witno Ngongare

Started with a brochure of event sent to my WhatsApp from my cousin, Erik, one of Stube-HEMAT Yogyakarta team members, the words "You Failed?" and "Per Angusta Ad Augusta" appeared and was highlighted. This made me curious, because it was my first time reading those words and I wanted to know more, so I finally decided to join the event.

It turned out that this event is a training about failure! However, it is not merely a failure but failure is seen from the perspective of the Bible and psychology with the theme ‘Per Angusta Ad Augusta’, which means From Difficulty to Glory. As my reflection, I found a new spirit and gratitude that God never left our family and we are confident to keep going, and have some encouraging reflections, such as "Keep going with the right foot towards the future and the left foot in the past" which means, if we stop moving, we are stuck between two periods that can make us waver, so we should keep moving ahead and face the life with God.

There was one session that impressed me so, which presented several people who had experienced failures and revived, such as Andmesh Kamaleng, who suffered grief but did not give up; Maria Calista, who uplifted her family through her talented voice; Marco C Alvino, dropping out of college but it did not make him give up; and Sudarmono who did not lose hope despite losing his two palms. Really, this training was very interesting because the participants had the space and opportunity to tell about the failures they had faced and how to formulate strategies to rise from the failures themselves.

The same with my life experience, in May 2006 before junior high school graduation day, my family and I faced a very hard situation when my father passed away and left us forever. He passed away when I still depended on him to help my school homework, while my brother still needed mental and financial support for college, and my mother who lost her husband, still needed life companion. When I heard my mother's cry, I felt brokenhearted. What came in my mind was a promise never hurt my mother. For years I helped my mother with domestic works and sold green beans ice and toasted bread. I had no doubt and ashamed to sell because this was the only way to continue our life and to pay my brother’s college tuition. Finally in 2010 I finished my high school and continued my study in Yogyakarta funded by my mother.

During my campus break I returned to my hometown, but instead I grieved my mother, I was dating with a girl, although my mother had ever reminded me not to date until I finished college, but I violated it. My mother was hurt again and tears came out because of my conduct. This situation reminded me what I had promised and felt that I had failed to look after my mother. I regreted and apologized to my mother. I kept this promise until I continued my graduate study and finished it.

Failure can not be separated from human life, not even no man without failure, but the importance is how to rise again from the failure.Further, I found the meaning of failure that makes me see it from a different perspective and do something with good motivation full of perseverence. Then God will allow us to pass  through. Success without God lasts temporary, but success with God is eternal. (A brief reflection after training Per Angusta Ad Augusta).